


Meds

by Tuii



Series: Polarity [6]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pills, they have a dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: He has this bad habit of putting all the pills on this hand at once, and then pouring all of them into his mouth. There is something about the amount of pills on his hand. He needs to see them there, all together, he needs to see how many he has to take every night.





	Meds

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my drabble about how it is to live with this illness. It shows something that happens in our household way too often and so it is based on actual experience. I love my husband to pieces because he picks my pills and doesn't yell at me, just gives me some constructive feedback. 
> 
> I hope you'll like this, this is me attempting to get back into writing.

In any other kind of circumstances he would find it hot that Isak is laying on the floor butt naked, legs spread. But this is not that kind of a situation. The view is beautiful, though, that is for sure. But the fact that Isak is cursing and yelling at him is not the biggest turn on for him, so he just stays back, trying to be invisible. He is holding Vivian in his lap. Viv is not happy about that, he would love to go play with Isak on the floor, but it’s not safe right now.

“For fuck’s sake Even, this is the third time this week that you manage to throw your pills on the floor. YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION AND NOT TALK TO VIVIAN OR PLAY WITH YOUR PHONE!” Isak yells from the floor. “You know that these could kill Vivian!”

Yes, he knows that, and Isak doesn’t need to yell at him about it. He feels bad enough already. He is scared that Vivian might have eaten one of them. Or more than one. It scares him to pieces. So he just stands there, holding Vivian a bit too tight. He knows that he needs to pay more attention to the actual action of taking the pills, he doesn’t need Isak telling him that. 

He has this bad habit of putting all the pills on this hand at once, and then pouring all of them into his mouth. There is something about the amount of pills on his hand. He needs to see them there, all together, he needs to see how many he has to take every night. There are three pills to keep him from going too fast, four pills to help him sleep through the night and manage his anxiety and hypomania, two to make him fall asleep, and then some vitamins to keep his body going, because he doesn’t eat enough green stuff. At times the mere amount of pills is scary, and then some evenings it is comforting. 

And of course this time he had to drop the sleeping pills, the whole bottle, on the floor. The little white pills that are hard to find. Some fell into the cabinet and Isak is picking them up from the pots and pans, but some of them are on the floor and hard to see. When he dropped them, he called for help and Isak came running from the bedroom. As he always does when he needs help. Any kind of help. Isak is always there for him. He just isn’t sure if he can return the favor. He can only hope he can. 

Yes, he does most of the chores. He does the laundry and the dishes and takes care of Vivian. But is that enough? That is something that keeps him up at nights sometimes. Should he do more? Should he be able to do more? If he asks Isak about this, the answer is no. If he asks his therapist about this, the answer is: “What makes you feel like you’re not enough?” And that’s something he doesn’t know how to answer. And he just wants to be enough, that’s the only thing he wants. 

Issy’s voice brings him back from his thoughts.

“I think I got all of them. Fucking finally”, Issy says as he gets up from the floor. He is just so beautiful. The sight of his naked man makes Even smile. “What are you smirking for? You’re not out of trouble yet, I wouldn’t do that if I were you”

“How come? Am I going to get a punishment?” He says with a bigger smile on his face. 

“You just might if you don’t start behaving!” 

He puts Vivian back to the floor, although the dog doesn’t want to leave his warm arms now that the action on the floor is over. He puts his arms around Issy, holding him close, so close. 

“I’m so happy to have you, the man of my life.” He says to Isak’s ear. He can feel Isak melting a bit into his arms. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Where I would be without you.” 

Isak doesn’t answer, he just holds Even close and hums. Isak knows that Even doesn’t really need him to answer, he just wants to be able to say those words out loud. To get them out of his system. Once again. This is something they go through from time to time. Even having anxiety for not being enough, because of his past. 

“I promise to try be more careful with the pills.”

“Did you take them already, or did you just spread them on the floor?”

“I did take them. So, let’s go to bed, okay?” 

As Issy turns around to go to the bedroom, he slaps his man on that pretty bum.

“Ouch! You were the one in need of an punishment, not me!”

“Well, catch me if you can!” He runs to the bedroom, laughing out loud. 

Isak doesn’t catch him before he falls on the bed. Isak follows just a few steps behind him. They both are laughing, and the mood is silly and happy, easy and light. They turn to face each other and kiss. The kiss is easy, it’s always been easy with them. Things might get more heated, but then his brain has to do its tricks again. Of course it does. He can feel himself pulling back, and he can feel Issy tensing up. He knows that Issy has a pretty good idea of why he is pulling back.

“Babe, I’m so sorry for yelling at you about the pills.” Issy whispers. Speaking in a louder voice doesn’t feel appropriate in that situation. Issy knows that his man is strong, so much stronger that he himself thinks he, is but there are those moments that need a softer approach. This is one of those. 

“It’s okay Issy. I just..I got anxiety about the pills. Again.” He sighs closing his eyes. He doesn’t want to see the look on Issy’s eyes. He lets Issy pull him closer, lets him cuddle him closer and stroke his back slowly. “I know that I need the pills. They keep me going, and they are one of the main reasons I’m still alive, but I still hate them. There are so many of them.”

Issy doesn’t say anything, he knows that there is nothing he can say to Even that would actually calm him down or make a difference to the way he is thinking about this. This is a conversation they have regularly. 

The soothing strokes and the steady humming from Issy make him feel drowsy, and he can feel his meds kicking in. Which sucks, because he knows that Issy wanted something else than just holding him and telling him that everything is fine. And now he is keeping his man from having sex. Of course Isak can jerk himself off, and he knows that sometimes Isak does that when he is just too tired for sex. And it makes him feel bad. Not worthy of that beautiful man beside him. 

The last thing he notices is Vivian crawling in the bed, between them. He hears Issy trying to tell the dog that he needs a blanket too, and that Vivian can’t hoard all of them. He feels a smile on his face and falls asleep.


End file.
